My Camino de Santiago – the bad…

As I mentioned in my last post, the Camino de Santiago is like life. In fact, one of the bad things about my Camino was actually discovering that fact. I had talked to people that had done the Camino, I joined the FB groups and even read some blogs. I also watched the wonderful and amazing movie “The Way,” which I highly recommend. And although no one actually told me it was a perfect experience, I did hear a lot of “it completely changed my life.”

Now, I am a ‘closet’ dreamer and somehow I took that to mean that it was going to be magical every single day. I also expected to have several spiritual revelations. Basically, I thought that every day would be a life-changing experience filled with sunshine and rainbows and maybe even a unicorn along the way. Now every day did give me a lesson or two and I did have a lot of magic moments. But it was not all sunshine and rainbows and not a single unicorn appeared 😉

Truthfully the first ‘bad’ thing about the Camino happened before I even started. I had done a volunteer experience in Alhama de Aragon, Spain before the Camino. It was a wonderful experience and I met so many interesting people. And also several of us got quite sick afterwards. I spent 2 days in Madrid, holed up in a hotel room with a terrible fever. Thankfully my fever broke in time for my non-refundable bus trip to Ponferrada. However, being sick while travelling is one of the worst things. You’re alone, without any comforts and sometimes, even though you feel terrible, you have to move locations. Add on travelling on a crowded bus for many hours, with no air conditioning while wearing a face mask – not a great couple of days.

Ponferrada

I arrived in Ponferrada miserable, overwhelmed, still sick and exhausted. On the one hand, I was lucky to have been able to extend my Ponferrada stay for 3 more days, while I recovered. On the other hand, those 3 days of rest gave me so much time to second guess my decision and my abilities. I had a lot of doubts. And all those doubts gathered into a big ball of ‘you can’t do this,’ that just sat in the pit of my stomach for a solid day.

Halfway through Day 3, I felt well enough to go out for lunch. I walked past one of the Camino signs, with the sea shell and arrow, and had a moment of clarity. No, I was not going to have the memory of quitting the Camino before I even started. I was stronger than that. I was going to have the memory of doing the damn thing that I thought I couldn’t do. An so, I got up after lunch, went back and packed up my second bag. I took it down to the post office and shipped it to Santiago de Compostela. Now I had to go.

Day 2 – very long, mostly bad

My first day on the Camino was wonderful. I was so happy that I had planned a short day to get started and fully finish recovering. But my second day was a struggle. Truthfully Day 2 was really kind of bad. First, there is one long stretch between Villafranca del Bierzo and Ambasmestas that is just walking along the side of a highway. It’s dusty, with a lot of semi-trucks whizzing past you and it’s just not very pretty. I felt like someone with a flat tire, searching for a gas station, rather than a pilgrim on an ancient journey. That was the start of a very long afternoon. It was also part of my very long, mostly bad, got my first blister, 28 km day.

I had really wanted to embrace the Camino tradition of no itinerary and just walking until I was tired or hungry. I wanted to find a place to stay organically, to really feel like a true pilgrim. But that long day, after that stretch of dismal road, the first little village I came across – around 3pm, when I was tired and hungry – had nothing open. The next ‘place’ I came across was a sign for a “Hotel 8′ on the highway, just 1 km from where I was, but slightly off the Camino. However, I was not going to stay at a Motel 8 on my Camino. I was a pilgrim!!

So on I went and the next village had an small hostel but it was already full. That was where Eric and I met. Me sitting, snacking and crying a little, him speeding along but stopping to encourage a random stranger. Honestly I was ready to walk back to the Motel 8 but he convinced me to keep going. Thankfully, the next town, Ambasmestas had a few places. I just walked into the first one – didn’t even ask the price! I was tired and close to defeated. So Day 2 was not the best day. Looking back, I can see that my expectations were a large part of the problem but in the moment, Day 2 just seemed like a very bad day.

Day 3 – challenges & realizations

The next day was another long day and my cough came back. I wanted to stay in O’ Cebreiro, which was supposed to have the best sunsets. I am still not sure what happened but the lady at the only open hostel would not give me a bed. They were either full or it was because of my cough – I really don’t know what she said other than NO several times. My Spanish is not great, she was a little gruff and I was feeling timid. So no best sunset and on I went to Triacastela. In Triacastela, I stayed in my last shared hostel room. I was deeply self-conscious of my cough, I was overtired, and the room was so cold. That night I had the worst sleep!

So the next day I made a decision that felt really bad at the time. I felt like I was somehow failing the Camino. However, I decided that if I was going to ‘make it’ to Santiago, let alone enjoy myself, I would need to both book ahead and book private rooms. While I embrace living outside of my comfort zone, I am also an organized planner. Not knowing where I was staying and being physically exhausted from carrying Betty and not sleeping well was dimming my Camino experience. I like to push myself but I have also learned to give myself grace. So while it felt ‘bad’ at the time, for the rest of my Camino I booked private rooms in hostels or guest houses and I always booked a day or two ahead.

Portamarin – a series of unfortunate events

I would like to say that those were my only bad experiences and the rest of the time I skipped along the Camino filled with light and joy. That is not the case sadly. First, Betty was way too heavy for any skipping. Second, I had one more ‘bad” experience or rather a series of unfortunate events. Or as I like to think of it ‘another time where Pamela realizes she is wildly incompetent despite being weirdly wise.’

In Portamarin, I realized that I was almost out of euros. Early in the season, there are less places open and some places only accept cash. So you need euros. Luckily Portamarin had 3 banks and so I went to withdraw money. Sadly, my card did not work at any of the 3 banks. I knew I had money but my card wasn’t working. Okay, I thought, I will just search out places that accept credit cards and use credit. Not ideal but doable….

Then I remembered that I had ‘frozen’ my limit on my credit card as a safety precaution and if I was using it for both rooms and food, I might be pushing it. Okay, I thought, I will increase the limit I guess – no problem. And then I called my bank and they said they would have to send me a security code. Fine, sure…

And that is when I realized that my Canadian SIM card was in my second bag sitting in Santiago de Compostela and that I could access the security code. And so I could not ‘unfreeze’ my lower limit. That night in Portamarin was the second time I almost quit. I was scared I was going to run out of money but more, I felt defeated by my ineptitude. (I actually looked up bus schedules to Santiago – I was really wallowing in it.)

But I didn’t quit – the next day, I kept going. There is a saying “the Camino will provide” and I kept that close to my heart. Now the Camino did not provide me with any random money lying on the side of the road. It did provide me with some luck finding places that accepted credit cards. And then more luck finding cheap places to eat. But even more, I think the Camino provided me with a bit of extra mental strength so I could finish. And the last few days, I felt surprisingly calm and brave, despite being very close to running out of money.

I do suggest to anyone walking the Camino, to have a bit more cash than you think you might need. And since then, I always keep my SIM cards with me. (If you have a newer phone, I strongly suggest an E-SIM actually as it seems the easiest way to do handle long-term travel and online banking while travelling.)

Day 13 – bittersweet

One last ‘bad,’ or maybe ‘unexpected sad’ is a better description, was my last day truthfully. On the one hand, I was overwhelmed with so many positive feelings walking up to the Cathedral de Santiago. It was stunning. I was really proud of myself for persevering, both physically and mentally. The plaza itself is filled with so much joy and history and pilgrims from all over the world celebrating. I had met so many wonderful people along the way and experienced so much beauty. I felt wonderfully alive. And I did it all by myself! It was completely outside of my comfort zone and I did it all by myself. And that was the little unexpected sad part – there was a moment where I was sad to not have someone to share it with. It was a little bittersweet.

Travelling solo is a complex choice and it is a choice that I have made happily but every once in a while, there is a tiny little “oh, this would have been cool to share” moment. The moment of sitting in front of the Cathedral, basking in the triumph of finishing something that I almost quit before I started… well, it was a moment I will never forget. And also looking around the Plaza and feeling a little sad that no one was there to share in the feeling of triumph… also a moment I will never forget.

And that is why the Camino is just like life – not just the good and the bad although there is both. The Camino is just like life because it is full of unexpected challenges and bittersweet triumphs.

If you are reading this and plan to do the Camino, I hope my honesty does not dim your excitement. It was truly one of the best experiences of my life. And also it was challenging and tough – opposite things can both be true. I hope by sharing my ‘bad’ others may be better prepared, both in a practical way, but also mentally and emotionally. Please reach out if you want any more information about the Camino or travelling solo in Spain.

More Camino blog posts…

My Camino de Santiago – the good…

Also, here is a link to a sweet documentary that I enjoyed – another pilgrim who did the whole Frances.