The Rewards of Living Abroad
Someone recently asked me if I missed Hong Kong. Actually they asked me if I liked teaching there, what’s it like living abroad, if Hong Kong was a good place for a solo traveler and if I missed it. Four completely different and separate questions with different and complicated answers. So I decided to write 5 little(ish) blogs to address each question. The short answers are no, challenging but with many rewards, yes and that’s very complicated.
Becoming more open-minded
One of the rewards of living abroad is becoming more open-minded. As you navigate local customs and different social norms, you realize cultures are more complex than you thought. Many cultural stereotypes are overly simplified or just wrong. I’m not saying that living abroad erases all stereotypes completely but you begin to understand that cultural norms have a rich history that are more nuanced than you thought. Living abroad helps you become more aware and respectful of the diversity of different cultures.
And at the same time, I think living abroad also opens your eyes to the fact that despite diverse and complex differences, people are more alike than we think. Families across the world are rooted in love, as well as misguided intentions and generational differences. Friends laugh and cry together, they share their sorrows and triumphs, regardless of country. Food is always more than just nutrition, music is the easiest way to navigate language differences and art is often the truest history teller.
Becoming more empathetic
Being the ‘outsider’ teaches humility. So much humility. Not speaking the language, or speaking it with an accent, not understanding cultural cues, feeling like everyone is looking at you – all of these can be overwhelming and humbling. Living abroad forces you to say, even if only to yourself, “I don’t know what I’m doing.” And if you allow yourself to be open, to be humbled, you will fill up with empathy for yourself and then for others. And hopefully carry that with you the rest of your days.
On a personal note, I cannot count the number of times I have noticed, not only in Hong Kong but other countries I have visited, that I am the only person that looks like me in a space. And every time, I have realized I am the only person on a bus or in a coffee shop that looks like me, I feel both conspicuous and insecure. Every time! And I’m a middle-aged white woman – that is a ‘safe’ and privileged outsider to be. But I still feel noticeable and nervous. Thankfully I think it has made me more aware and empathetic. It has definitely made me want to be kinder.
Becoming more adaptable
One of the greatest rewards of living abroad is that it teaches you to become adaptable and flexible. You learn to let go of expectations. These are not easy lessons and often not lessons that you seek out. The abundance of “what now?” and “this isn’t what I planned” and “what am I doing?” moments forces you to adapt. But every new situation becomes easier to manage and you learn to slowly let go of assumptions and expectations.
On a personal note, I have found the “letting go of expectations” to be one of the most challenging lessons. Before moving to Hong Kong, in my 2 years of slow travel, I experienced many “what now” moments. Moments that taught me to be not only adaptable, but also creative and resilient. But living in Hong Kong, all of the teaching challenges, moving 3 times and the struggle (and failure) to find a community all really helped me master the skill of letting go.
And as I type this, if I am being truthful, I’m not confident that this is still true today. I am not sure if I am a slow learner or very foolish but if I am honest, I fear that I will have expectations in the future. And quite possibly they will be unrealistic. Thankfully I have learned to be adaptable and flexible, creative and resilient – all traits that help someone get over expectations not being met. (I am going on an adventure in the new year so I will see if I manage to make the trip abroad with only my suitcase and no expectations.)
Becoming more confident
I saw this wonderful meme that asked, “Aren’t you scared?” And then the answer, “Scared?! I once packed my whole life into a 23kg suitcase and moved to a country where I didn’t know anyone.” It suggests that you can’t be scared if you move to a country where you don’t know anyone. And that is not true. You can be terrified and still pack that suitcase and move. I know this for a fact because I did.
But the other fact is that moving abroad, taking a giant leap and moving to a place where you don’t know anyone or understand the language or culture, will give you a quiet confidence. It might not go well, you might be scared and lonely and overwhelmed more than you’re not. You might think every second day, “why the heck did I do this?” But a deep and unshakeable confidence will grow inside of you. Even when it is messy and you feel like an epic failure, there is a part of you that recognizes that you are still standing. You start to feel that you can overcome pretty much anything. And over time, you start to get comfortable with discomfort. That was my experience at least.
And the wonderful thing about gaining confidence from moving abroad is that it is not an arrogant kind of confidence. It is a confidence that seems to grow in equal proportion to the humility that you develop. After my year in Hong Kong, I feel quite confident in my ability to handle almost any situation. I also feel quite certain that I have so much to learn about the world in general, and more specifically how to be a better person in that world. I am certain that I will continue to have epic failures, that I will go to a new country or meet a new person and I will say or do the wrong thing. But I am also confident that I will learn from my failures and overcome any setbacks.
Becoming limitless
Moving abroad, just like solo travel, makes you think that anything is possible. Being around a new group of people with no preconceived idea of who and how you are, allows for a lot of change and growth.
Living alone in a new place helps you discover your own beliefs and values, especially about yourself. Yes, it is difficult to be alone, without your family and friends, but at the same time, it can be liberating to have the freedom to be someone new. In families and in friend groups, people often get assigned or take on roles. But living abroad means you don’t have to be “the serious one” or “the boring one.” You can be someone new. You can be the fun, crazy one that tries new things and always talks to strangers.
Or more accurately, and in my experience, it allows you to discover sides of yourself that you had hidden or forgotten about. For me, I’m not sure if it was becoming someone new, but discovering who I was on my own. In Guatemala, I discovered I was more outgoing than I thought. I was the person who talked to strangers. In Peru, I realized that I love adventure. I was the one who tried new things like paragliding. And in Hong Kong, I uprooted a lot of unhealthy beliefs and cultivated more grace and tolerance. Towards others and myself.
But most of all, it really made me feel limitless. I mean, if I can move to Hong Kong at 53, having never even visited anywhere in Asia before, and have a really tough year and be lonely and overwhelmed but still have adventures and find gratitude – well I am not sure that I am completely limitless but I feel pretty close.
Take the leap
And that’s why despite all of the challenges, I would do it again if the right opportunity presented. I’d take the leap and move to another new country. And I absolutely encourage everyone else to do it too. Even if it’s just for 3 months. Moving abroad will help you discover parts of yourself you may never discover otherwise. It will definitely increase your tolerance for discomfort and open your heart and your mind.
If you have any questions or want even more details, please reach out. It is not an easy process but it is totally worth it and I would love to help anyone who might be considering it.
Another blog I enjoyed about moving abroad – a different perspective but some common themes too.
